


On My Mind

by robertstankjr



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Adorable, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, all the characters are just mentioned, but he’s also a little shit let’s not forget
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstankjr/pseuds/robertstankjr
Summary: The final battle with Thanos was hard. Peter is trying to cope with what happened, what they lost. He has a diary, and he writes what’s on his mind.This is just a short story about how our little peter is feeling.





	On My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story so I’m really bad at this, as you can probably tell from the summary alone. Hope it’s decent!

_Dear diary,  
_

_Never mind, that sounded cliche._

_7/3/23 1:00 a.m._

_I should be sleeping right now. Aunt May is probably dozing off, but she’s been awake for awhile too. I don’t think she knows that I know that she stays up late, thinking about Ben and me. The what-ifs. What if I had stayed dead? I was gone forever? She would have lost everyone. I can’t do that to her. We’re all the other has, and honestly it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough because we have experienced love from others, and they’re gone. It leaves dents, holes, that remind us of what we had, but lost._

_I miss him. Tony, I mean. I can’t believe I call him Tony! It’s crazy, and I’m so used to calling him Mr. Stark, but it feels nice to call him Tony. I should probably get some sleep. Don’t want to look like a zombie in the morning._

_Goodnight._

* * *

_7/12/23 6:03 p.m._

_Hey again. I just cringed at my use of “dear diary,” on my first- well um, writing? I don’t know what to call this. I’m new to the diary thing. Anyway, I’ve been thinking. I’ve also been holding back from writing EVERYTHING on my mind, into this diary. I’m nervous, what if someone finds it? What if they read it? What will they think of me? Probably that I’m a loser who can’t get over his own problems when there have been worse things to happen to some people. I’m getting off topic here though. I’ve been thinking more about Tony. Mr. Stark. <strike>Dad.</strike>_

_I miss those days in the lab. Working on random equipment, suits, web fluid, and just tinkering with things, and then watching a movie or eating dinner (pizza most of the time). Parker luck has really caught up with me. _

_I think about the battle. The one before the snap, and the one after. If I had just tried harder, pulled harder I could’ve pulled off the gauntlet, ran from Thanos, took the stones, and we’d be good. Nobody would have died. Nobody would have to mourn for five years, with absolutely no hope. Maybe if I snapped my fingers instead, Tony would still be alive. I could take it. I think. I share half of my DNA with a spider’s DNA. Tony was human, with a suit of armor. And a generous, loving (as much as he would have denied it, at least 5 years ago), strong, fierce, heart. He had a family. Which I recently learned about. It’s kind of weird, you know? I’m still trying to process that it’s been 5 years. Not 3 hours. Not 5 months. 5 years. The world moved on. Tony moved on. Aunt May. At least I think she did. And it kind of hurts. I would think that if I died, I would want them to move on. Want them to live a happy life. But it’s a way different story when you come back to life._

* * *

_8/10/23_

_I don’t know what time it is. I’m not even gonna bother to check. I’m starting school soon. Hooray. Some stuff has happened while I was away from this diary, where I vent out things on my mind. Mrs. Potts contacted May and me. Or is it Mrs. Stark?_

_She invited us to their home. When I got there, I have to say, I was expecting a mansion with glass walls and clean, marble white floors, the biggest televisions ever, and large bedrooms. What I saw surprised me. 5 years went by when you were gone, I would tell myself. But it was a big change to Mr. Stark’s tower, and mansions in Malibu. I saw his daughter, too. Morgan Stark. She looked almost nothing like Pepper. I guess Stark men have strong genes. She had dark brown hair, like Tony, brown eyes, like Tony, she was super smart for a five year old, like Tony, but could give Donald Trump a run for his money. Is he even still the president? Don’t know. She definitely has some of her mom’s smarts in there too. But she’s also playful, kind, curious, and childish, how all children should be. I can tell Mr. Stark really tried to give her the childhood he didn’t get to have. He did a great job. I wish I could tell him that. I realized I’ve been calling him Mr. Stark. I guess the name change is based on not knowing if I even know Mr. Stark at all anymore. We didn’t get to interact much during the battle. It was, well, a bit busy. But he did straight out hug me. That was certainly a change from grabbing the door for me. _

_I miss him so much. After losing Ben, I just wallowed in guilt. Then I met Tony Stark. He gave me a chance to be the superhero I wanted to be without putting myself in danger wearing the “onesie” I made. My own idol came into my house and gave me a chance to work alongside the Avengers. The Avengers! They were fighting against each other sure but it was still pretty awesome. Slowly I was looking at him like an idol, to a mentor, and to the father figure that Ben was. That my own biological dad couldn’t imprint into my mind himself. I thought, wow, who knew I’d be accidentally calling the Tony Stark “dad” in my head? Then I lost him. Like I lost my parents, and Ben. And I realized I wouldn’t be the same. I think it’s been a little too much. I was there watching him drift off, watching Pepper ease him into resting, walk with him to his death. I didn’t like being pulled away from him. But I knew I would only make him panic. He deserved to rest. The last 20 years or so must have been very stressful._

_ I don’t know how I’ll live on with this guilt, and the press asking who’s going to be the next iron man. The world needs Iron Man. But I don’t know if I could give it to them. If anything, I’ll be your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man._


End file.
